EP.03: 5 Keys to Navigating Setbacks

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Episode number three. Welcome. Welcome. If you’re not stalking me on social media, then you wouldn’t know, but my hard drive being out of commission right now. Which unfortunately had episode number three recorded, edited, edited, ed edited. Okay. We’re not going to even try. It was, there was some edits and it’s so funny how you get caught up in the words, right? It’s like speaking English, huh? Sometimes it’s difficult. Sometimes technology is difficult. That’s what I’m learning and that life isn’t always fair. I was in the process of saving my, my documents, um, all my episodes to Google drive when my hard drive fell to the floor in slow motion. And so now it’s in surgery as we speak. I’m not sure if it’s going to make it. I hope it does, but the benefit is the show must go on. So you’re going to hear about all the reflection points of what I was able to sit with and move through, um, by examining this experience and turning into this podcast episode. 

So the silver lining, um, with all of this is that because I’m not hoarding creations and I spend more time producing than I do consuming, most of my work is already out there in the world. And in reference to my first podcast, I’m so grateful I don’t sit on things for too long. There’s a relief to that. I have a lot of other templates on there and Oh gosh, I do all my graphic design. So there’s just a lot on there. And my photography is, is, is backed up. Um, but there’s other things that are recent that, that haven’t been backed up yet. Well, maybe you can relate. Have you ever lost a phone or got your phone wet? Maybe a computer was stolen out of your car. There’s all different ways we can lose things that are meaningful to us, that are stored in our technology. 

And it’s just always so fascinating to me how much weight they hold and to sit with that uncertainties is tough. So if you’re feeling for me right now and and you want to pray just like dear universe, please help Emily restore her hard drive with every file intact. I would be so appreciative of that. And what exactly are we going to talk about today? You’re wondering, I am taking this experience and moving forward with it. I’m going to be talking about five ways. Five keys to navigate setbacks. When to start by answering the question, what exactly is a setback? And the definition that I feel is most fitting is a setback is a speed bump. It’s a speed bump in the road that slows you down and it occurs in our life to help us reevaluate where we’re heading. So it’s not necessarily not necessarily a negative thing. 

A setback doesn’t have to be a negative thing that becomes this dark force in our life and kicks us to the curb and then we have to like look at who to blame, right? But that’s usually how we react to setbacks is we want to find someone to blame. You might feel like a victim, we may feel out of control, but really a setback is just a little bit of a speed bump and most of what happens to us in life is we’re taking a speed bump and we’re turning it into a roadblock. Things snowball when we lack the ability to be awakened and experience. So it’s happening unconsciously. And if you can’t handle setbacks, in other words, if you don’t really see that this is just a speed bump, it becomes a blockage. And these roadblocks do way more than just slow you down. 

What are some examples of setbacks? It could be getting sick, it could be getting fired from your job, financial loss, relationship problems, breaking or losing something such as like hitting your car and getting something stolen. Maybe just being late for work and missing out on an opportunity. And my setback this week was definitely the hard drive. So it was maybe like a, it could also be a technical difficulty that you know, throws off some kind of goal that you’re trying to reach and in order to get there, you’re going to have to reevaluate where you’re going and or the way in which you’re going to get there. 

Starting now with sharing these keys to navigate setbacks:

#1: Key number one, having a complete emotional breakdown is optional.

This isn’t the first time I had an issue with my external hard drive four years ago, almost to the day I lost my external hard drive driving over it. Mind you, I drove over my external hard drive, not on purpose and yes, it was not one of my most proud moments, but I was a wreck. Completely stunned and emotionally floored when I realized what I had done. It was difficult to move beyond this mistake I made for many months. I remember and I just used to believe if you didn’t feel a marinate in your emotions for weeks or months, then you are spiritually bypassing something. I can now say that was me being lost in my drama. Staying in an emotional state for longer than needed is punishment, not progress. 

And I’ll give you another example. If you’re late for work, for an important meeting and your reaction is freaking out, well, is that really gonna help you get closer towards your goal? I mean, logically we can understand no, like freaking out and having an emotional breakdown is very draining. And if you can catch yourself and give yourself permission to respond in a different way, see if you can feel the experience and feel sadness, feel disappointment, but not need to throw a tantrum. You know, not need to become this, you know, inner child that’s going to run the show. So do feel, sit with it, feel the pain of it, but you don’t need to go over the top, um, and see this as the end of the world. And that’s learning how to balance your, your mind and your emotions. This is part of it. 

It’s giving yourself permission to maybe you respond in a different way and maybe having an emotional breakdown isn’t necessary. Um, as you start to refine your process. For me, it wasn’t really a choice. After a while it was just part of my healing that I just noticed a different reaction. That is the benefit of doing deep healing work is that you can move through different ways that you’ve dealt with things and have a new way that you’re going to respond to life setback.

#2: Key number two is forgive yourself.

So things happen and at some point we need to honor the fact that we made a mistake. The only way to avoid unfortunate situations to happen is if we do nothing, say nothing, right? We just stay safe. So there’s going to be things that happen in life as you’re progressing, as you’re moving forward, you’re gonna, you’re gonna make a mistake on the way. This is how we grow and if you are unwilling to forgive yourself, that’s where a block happens. Cause this is part of when we build up shame, we build up shame in the body because we’re unwilling to release that. We made a mistake, we did something wrong. Maybe it wasn’t giving yourself enough time to leave the house and being late for something. Possibly it was having a lapse in focus. It could be just saying the wrong thing to someone and having you know, a setback in a relationship and needing to clean up that mess but he needs to forgive yourself because without that forgiveness for you, you can’t move forward. It will be a roadblock and you can’t wait for someone to forgive you. It needs to be you forgiving you. 

When was the last time you made mistake and really looked at yourself and said it’s going to be okay. Let’s not do this again but have compassion for you. I love you and let’s make this right now cause that’s what we need to tell ourselves. I love you. I have compassion for you. Let’s make this right now. It’s not seeing it’s okay to continue that behavior but that holding of shame it does. It does nothing for us. Similar to having an emotional breakdown, it’s actually just a huge leak of time and emotional capital that we could be putting elsewhere.

#3: Key number three is take in the learning message.

Things don’t just happen. We are creating our lives unconsciously and consciously and like I said before we make mistakes. What was it you needed to learn here? What is this experiencing experience showing you? 

I’ll be honest. I had a lapse in focus when my hard drive dropped. I was obviously not paying attention to how close my hard drive was to the edge of my bed and I definitely wasn’t paying attention. When I drove over my hard drive four years ago, I had bags outside, it was dark and I had thought I put all my bags in the car. I was leaving. Um, a yoga studio is managing at the time and yeah, I put every, everything in the car except for the laptop bag and the hard drive case was on top and I drove right over it. I didn’t even try to get it fixed right. And of course there were lessons that learned then and there deeper lessons that I learned this week. For me, it always comes back to slowing down a little bit more when I’m working with something delicate, laptops, technology and just being a little bit more deliberate and focused when it comes to backing things up in a timely fashion. 

When we’re experiencing the first part of a setback and key one and two of just, you know, responding to the experience and grieving it and then to forgiving ourselves. We can’t really understand the message just yet. It takes a little bit of time and if you can think about the last setback that you had and you’ve gone through this process already, what did it feel like when that message came in?

#4: Key number four is increasing self awareness and self mastery skills.

In order to truly take your learning message and do something different with it, you need to become much more in tune with what’s happening inside of you and outside of you as much as possible. Taking what’s unconscious and shedding some light on it. Otherwise, what is going to happen? We all know or maybe you don’t know, I’ll inform you. Patterns and mistakes will keep getting repeated over and over again.

Yes, it’s important that you feel it and forgive yourself and learn what the message is, but without taking action on expanding yourself and really honing in on these aspects of you to see what you didn’t see before, to be more prepared for the next experience. You’ll just stay in a loop and it’s easy to stay in. The comfort zone of this is as far as I expand for what I want to see. No hear sense and feel. 

In other words, key number four is truly about taking ownership of what you can do, of how you can prepare so that when a setback hits you, you can bounce back more quickly. 

What are these tools that I recommend to expand your awareness and to work on this sense of self mastery? It’s going to be a three legged stool, meditation, prayer. These are two that we use a lot in our culture and our society. It’s building in popularity, but one of those legs we don’t talk enough about, which is ritual and ritual brings in energy and lets energy out as well. And it brings us into a more meditative state and ongoing meditative state where we’re working with the energy at hand and this is how I bounce back more quickly than I ever did prior to having these tools.

#5: And finally, number five, key number five is the openness to being redirected.

What does that mean? Well essentially when you experience a setback, there is a bump in the road. You’re being slowed down. This is really why you’re being slowed down is because however it is that you’re moving through life, you need to reevaluate that and you need to go through all these different steps and when you go through these different steps you can finally get to that place of openness to really look at a new way to go about where you’re going. 

When you’re in this space. You can also reach a solution much more seamlessly because when you’re sitting in the funk of just this like intoxicating emotion, it’s very difficult to redirect. You can only think of that one thing if you had done differently. But when you move through these different stages and you get to this place, there is a surrender that happens and I believe we allow this experience to redirect us. We can have immense growth in this phase of our life. The moment Terry dropped that we experience, although it’s sucky, it can lead to a new level of perception and ultimately we can progress in our life after having this setback. Now I don’t go out looking for setbacks. I don’t try to create drama unnecessarily in my life. But when a setback happens, that’s just straight up out of a movie. I have to stop and laugh sometimes because I really do feel like we’re all in our own, like Netflix original and I’m co-creating the script and when I get to this place, I feel like I’m working with the director, I’m working with the staff, and I’m like, okay, how? 

How do I want to go about creating the rest of this movie? And I can see different avenues of, of how I can get there. And so for the example of my hard drive dropping and being like, Ugh, they’re all my episodes are on there. When I finally got to this place of surrender, I felt that I needed to just move forward and create a new episode to get my hard drive fixed, to hope for the best, but to just keep creating and do what I could to prioritize the other things that took more importance that week. Um, such as, you know, getting ready for actually a podcast conference that I’m going to in Orlando this week and there were different things I had to prepare and do to get my life settled so that I would be able to have that flexibility of being away again. I just got back from Japan. So there’s a lot, there’s a lot going on and this setback really was a downer for a little bit of time, but I didn’t experience that much emotion around it like I did four years ago. So that shows me that I have been increasing my self awareness skills and self mastery skills because I was very quick to be redirected in what was the solution here. Rather than getting stuck on my mistake and beating myself up. 

Focusing on the now focusing on how you can move forward, it might be closer than you think. Getting to that place of finding the solution. 

I hope this episode was helpful for you in reframing setbacks, especially at the expense of my hard drive, which I have a feeling it’s going to be coming back around. I think a lot of you are going to be sending some positive thoughts my way and it’s just going to boom, be manifested back into full health. Either way, I’m accepting of it and going to save this episode in so many places. It’s going to be backup city over here. If you’re at the podcast conference March 5th to the eighth in Orlando, you can send me a message through my website on my contact form. Would love to connect with you.

You could also find me on Instagram. My handle is @returntosacred and you can direct message me there as well if you’re thinking about those rituals and using them. But you know, not even knowing where to get such rituals. I teach a training called empower they self and you can go to my website, And if you are not in the area, I’m happy to redirect you to someone who is close by. Okay, well that’s it for now. Until next time, I’ll talk to you soon. 

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