EP.01: Perfection Stifles Expression

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Hello. Hello. It’s a rainy day here in San Francisco and I thought I would kick this podcast off by sharing something that’s near and dear to my heart.

So I bumped up the heat, grabbed my tea, and here we are talking about creation and how perfection stifles expression. I thought I would dive right into it in terms of one of the first episodes discussing what it takes to put something out there, what it takes to create something in the world.

I sensed that some people think that there are those who have it and there are those that don’t and I don’t think that’s true at all.

I feel like there’s a lot that can come up before doing something that’s worthwhile and meaningful and that resistance is part of the experience. And perfection was the stagnation that stopped me from getting these messages shared sooner.

And there was so much I was able to see within myself in the process of putting this podcast out in the world. So I sat with a pretty big weight on my chest for about a year and you know, in terms of what I was working with was on one hand I was, I just bought a mic and I thought I was just gonna have some amazing conversations with some interesting people and just throw it out there, see what happened, let it just organically build.

And I, I realized that that way of creation wasn’t truly serving me anymore. This kind of experimental, see where it goes, not having a clear objective, um, wanting to have fun. But yeah, not really having a specific plan that wasn’t serving me anymore.

So as I was putting my podcasts out there and working on it, I decided to take a step back and really ask myself, you know, what, what do I want people to get out of listening?

And it started to help me refine my message and it was an incredible process that took place last fall. Help understand that, you know, could put a lot of energy and effort into a podcast that didn’t really have a clear direction and may not be serving me or others longterm. So in terms of longevity of what I was creating, um, there, there was a lot of refinement and I wanted to make sure that my message was clear.

The things that I was going to be discussing on this podcast was worthwhile cause I, I really do respect everyone who’s listening and I didn’t want to just put, um, content out there for the sake of feeling that pressure of like, well, I’ve started this, I have to keep going. So I learned a lot on, on that side. But then there was this other aspect that started to creep its way in. As soon as I started to think about quality over quantity and what my object objective was, and I realized that what started out as something pure took a turn into this overly curated process and you can lose a lot of authenticity in the process of curation.

It started to become something of the mind. It no longer felt like a passion project. No longer felt some like something that was heartfelt. It became this project of pressure and every time I went to record something, what happened?

I would either get sick, my laptop charger, you know, didn’t make it with me on the plane. Um, my throat would get really sore or dry and it would impact my, my speaking, I just would find excuses. I would get hungry, you know. So all of this resistance was coming up and some of it was frustrating cause I, those some days where I had a raspy throat, I really did want to record.

And other times I was just totally distracting myself. But what I’m speaking to is this is how perfection shows up. Perfection shows up as resistance and it can also show up as feeling like we need to control this expression and when we have a mission, when we want to impact others, it’s about connecting with ourselves.

It’s about dropping into our own emotion or wisdom, finding that connection and when we regurgitate information or it comes from the mind, we lack the energy behind our words and we contribute to the noise of the world rather than offer something that’s truly supporting.

We overthink things. I find that we just whittle an amazing concept down into nothing. We take what is pure, we taint it with our mind. Another issue I find with perfection is that it begins to create a holding. Instead of just putting something out there and working with it, making a mountain out of a molehill, most of what we’re going to create in our life is going to start out kind of shitty.

Like there isn’t anything I’ve ever created where I was like, wow, that first time, that first try, that’s all I needed and I was golden. It is a process when you start to put things out into the world. That first step isn’t it, and yet we make that first step like we’re climbing Mount Everest that isn’t Mount Everest. That’s just one step. So if we can shift our perspective on what’s actually going on, we can take more action in our life.

Someone who I’ve worked with, her name is Nikki Elledge Brown, and she has said it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be shared. I find that there’s a lot of things that come to mind that I want to share with the world. What if I, if I sit and stew with it long enough, I question if it really needs to be shared, maybe. Maybe that’s something you can relate to.

When I’m in my right mind and I’m coming from a place of service and I’m getting out of my own way, then of course that a lot of things that come to mind are intended to be shared, still takes discernment, more control over my energy over the words that I use. Having a clear message.

It’s not so much about perfection as it’s about self-mastery. The sacrificing perfection for what is is so essential though, and letting go of fantasy for reality is part of growing up. By doing so, I haven’t given up on my dreams by letting go of perfection, I have actually gotten closer towards my dreams.

When we’re in our mind, we think if I hold on to this perfection, you know it’s a standard. This is a certain level I’m trying to reach, but in fact we’re, we build a fantasy out of what we think we’re creating and by not having enough action in our life, we never get the full experience in order to create the bigger thing.

A life that is fruitless and pain filled is really no life at all and that’s just the life of a perfectionist. I want you to imagine the potential of letting things be all that they could be before you slap your opinions and your judgments. You know, from your limited way of thinking. Maybe that’s what perfection is.

It’s just a limited perspective of what we think something needs to be instead of celebrating the original form. Could you let yourself be what you intended to be? Could you let your project, your business, your Instagram post, the person that you know, you sleep next to every night, your parent, could you let people and things and projects and yourself be what they are instead of trying to perfect, which is a need to control and we let go of control. What happens is something bigger than us can come through.

Something that goes beyond what we could imagine can make its way through our bodies, out through our mouth or into our bodies, out their hands. There’s so much that we’re missing out on as a society through curation. Our expression is so stifled because there have been certain formulas for how we express ourselves in social media, how we express ourselves in group dynamics, how we think a business needs to run or how we think something just needs to be, and that can be not just from conditioning of our society indoctrination, but it can also be from a wounded perspective of, you know, something that we we received early on in life, whether it was feedback or comment.

We carry around this smudged filter, the smudge right on our lens that we see through every day. And we create from that place and yet we think that is a more perfect way to do things, but it’s completely fabricated from some kind of experience that we had early on in life that we have identified with so much we can’t separate.

What would it be like to clean that smudge? What would it be like to let go of that box that you put yourself in or you put your creations in, you put your business in. So like I said before, when I was refining, when I was getting more clear about my message, that was very different than needing complete control and overly curating.

I was using my logic, I was using my mind as a tool, but when we take out the authenticity, the original is nowhere to be found like that original spark. That’s what I find is happening a lot in the creative process out there where we’re missing missing source. We’re missing the spark or missing that piece that connects us all together. When someone puts something out there into the world. It’s not about competitiveness. It’s reminding us all of something. That’s what I want to be a part of is this creative process where we’re reminding each other of what’s possible and so perfection stifles that.

It stifles that original spark, that flame that burns, that reignites other people’s well. So if we were to create, in order to impact, in order to help and in order to remind how could we do that, if there is no spark, if there is no true connection, if you’ve lost that connection, you know with a time it goes from spark to earth and out into the world missing, we’re missing some really big information that’s going to remind.

It’s going to remind others and so that may seem like a big task, but it’s not really. At the end of the day, what we need the most is this practice, this practice of not losing the spark of not losing yourself. When you are creating, of bringing, bringing that essence with you through the whole process and starting to see when does your mind start to overthink something?

When does your mind stop the flow? When does your mind begin to interrupt whatever is naturally occurring? So in this whole process, in this whole year, what, what that’s looked like for me, what I’m describing, it has not been easy, but I hope that some of these words and some things that I’m saying that I’m putting out there for you will gift you the ability to see where you’re getting in your own way to be able to decipher and discern the difference between refinement and perfection.

How did I get this podcast out there? Maybe that’s a question to answer for you and when I had perfectionist qualities coming up to stop me when I had that resistance coming in strong, I just had to be stronger than it and lean into it, go right into it.

It’s not like I ever felt completely ready to put this together. I knew it was a small project, but that these steps would lead to something bigger. It always is like that. In the back of our mind. I think we know, well this is a small step, but this step will lead me somewhere. And that step is towards personal transformation because if you can take that first step, you are reprogramming yourself.

You are interrupting chaos, and at the end of the day I exert my will over some of these things that try to stop me. I’ve used tools for many years that I still rely on heavily. So there’s no special qualities that I feel like I have that someone else doesn’t have. But I have worked so much on my willpower and leaning into the things that I don’t always want to do, and having the in my day to truly reflect on questioning my actions or my lack of action.

So I will leave you with this:

Where in your life are you overthinking something and making a mountain out of a molehill?

Where in your life do you lack the willpower to charge into that project or whatever it is?

If you had the tools and you had the willpower, what would you be creating right now?

If your perfection wasn’t stifling your expression, what would you be creating in your life?

What does that feel like? What does that look like? If you could start here, what else could open up for you?

Perfection is something that we can all have difficulty with. When you are someone who wants to put something of quality out into the world, but that procrastination and resistance, it’s something that stops the whole world from receiving that reminder and it just takes practice to not let that resistance completely paralyze you.

So I know you can do it. I know that step isn’t too far out of reach, but we’re waiting, you know, because we each have this key. We each have this piece of the puzzle and by you taking that step, you know, can inspire someone else to take that step. So I am looking forward to hearing how this goes for you. Would love feedback if this really did give you some aha moments and looking forward to seeing what gets created when you get out of your own way.

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